About a week ago I was reading some comments between mothers on a post about SAHMs verses ‘working’ moms. One comment that I read from a SAHM mom was about how she does not get days off or vacation time like working mothers do. Y’all, I literally laughed out loud. For any of those who are confused, moms that work outside of the home work all day and then come home and take care of their homes and children. They do not get days off or vacation time either. When you decide to become a mother, you give up your days off and vacation time.
Some SAHMs believe that if you do not stay at home and raise your children that you don’t love them as much, or that you just want to push them off on someone else and not have to deal with them. Some working moms believe that SAHMs are lazy and they do not understand why they don’t want ‘more’ in life. In the past I was scared to tell people that I am a SAHM because I feared that they would assume that my life is nothing but pedicures, lunch with the girls, bubble baths, wine, and Netflix.
While I do enjoy a good pedicure, Purple Toad’s Black & Bruised sweet red wine is rather delicious, and I am currently on season 7, episode 3 of a Grey’s Anatomy marathon, that is not what my day-to-day life consists of. I can also assure you that it has been a long time since I have had any time out with my friends, and sadly, our tub is far too small for an adult bubble bath. Most days my life is gross and hard and completely exhausting. My days are filled with smelly diaper changes, baby urine and spit up in my hair and on my clothes, dusting/sweeping/mopping that never seems to accomplish much, toddler tantrums, picking up food off of the floor for what seems to be the one-millionth time because my son is a texture eater and hates something one day then loves it the next. Most nights I get anywhere from four to six hours of sleep. I do not recall the last time that I sat down to a warm meal and ate in peace. Some days I want to crawl into the fetal position and cry because I am so tired that I am not sure what my name is. And, is it just me or do those piles of laundry and that mountain of dishes never stop growing no matter how many times I do them? But, here is the kicker. I would not change a single thing. Yes, my days are trying but they are also wonderful and magical. I get to blow on giggly baby bellies as I change diapers, I get to watch my sons find pure joy in the smallest of things, I get to work with my toddler and teach him to be calm and collected when he is upset, I get to laugh and play and pretend that I am a pirate. Oh, and the dance parties you guys, they are glorious. Did I mentions that I can wear my pajamas to work if I want to? This is my happy place, my dream come true. This is motherhood tome and it is what makes me happy.
There is this idea that because we are women that we should always be perfect at being moms. That motherhood should come and be completely natural. That we should stay at home with our babies and raise them and dedicate ours lives only to them. But, all of this is just not true. Some women have a hard time staying calm. Some women get headaches from listening to children yell all day (because let’s be honest, they do not know how to talk quietly). Some women had awful childhoods and fear repeating a cycle of bad parenting and damaging their children. Some women go to school and earn really awesome degrees that they want to put to good use. Some moms have to work because they are single and have no other way or because in some cases two incomes are required. Some moms dedicate their work life to amazing causes because they want to make a change in the world. I am undeniablyblessed to be able to stay at home with my children, and I wish that every mother that wants to could do the same, but I will never judge a mom who chooses differently again.
“I am undeniably blessed to be able to stay at home with my children, and I wish that every mother that wants to could do the same, but I will never judge a mom who chooses differently again.”
Loving your children and being happy is far more important than whether or not you stay at home with them. If you feel that staying at home with your children is the best way that you know to love them, provide for them, protect them, and teach them then I think that is incredible and honorable. But if having a career, providing for and teaching your children through your work experience and commitment to said career is the choice for you, then that is incredible and honorable too. If you do not have the choice then I am truly, very sorry, but if you do, do what makes YOU happy, because happy moms have happy kids. No matter what you choose, your children will always be proud of you.
Let us stop pinning mother against mother. Let us stop degrading one another for the lifestyle that makes us each happy. Let us stop creating unrealistic expectations. Instead, let us lift one another up, let us inspire each other to chase our dreams. Let us come together and make motherhood a safe and happy place for all. And for love of our children, let us stop arguing about who works harder or loves their kids more because we all work pretty darn hard and love our babies with all that we are.